MattB.

I've only had one boyfriend. I was 14, he was 17. We only dated for 4 months. I know what you're thinking...this can't be good, he was so much older than her he must have taken advantage of her... But to tell you the truth? He was the nicest a person's ever been to me. I felt so close to him, he was the best boyfriend ever and if I could get the old him back I would. I have just been reminiscing lately about him and decided to dedicate this post to him. Since he'll never read it, at least he won't think I'm an entire creep. I'll break it up into paragraphs so as not to make such a large wall of text.

The Meeting. 
I have these friends at this point in my story. There names are Nicole, Macauley, and Brittney. The cool thing to do was to hang out at the mall on a friday night and just chill with friends. My friend Nicole came over and we got ready together and went to the mall. We were just messing around when we said this but we both wanted to "meet our future boyfriends tonight." Ironic since I did haha. Anyways Macauley and Brittney both had boyfriends so once we got there we just chilled with them and their bf's for a while. Then Brittney introduced me to this guy named Matt. He was my friend on Myspace (The cool thing to do back then) and had commented on a pic saying I was cute before... but I had never met him It wan't awkward at all, he was the most chill, nicest person ever. And I could tell he was into me. Which was weird since that night I had this weird rash thing going on the side of my cheek cause I was allergic to the makeup I had used and I felt SO ugly that night. I literally wanted to die, I didn't even want to go to the mall that night cause I felt so ridiculous. Anyways...we walked around the mall (me and matt) and talked for a little bit about random things. Then we came back to the spot where our group of friends chill and we sat really really close to each other. A little while later after more talking he pulled me to this back area where there were less people we knew... and kissed me :) He was a fast mover, but I was so ready it. He held my hand the rest of the night and when me and Nicole had to leave he asked me to be his girlfriend :) I know what you're thinking... wow this moved way too fast to ever work out... And that's where...you're right....but we'll get to that.

The Beginning. 
We texted and talked on the phone like crazy... he came over to my house a lot, and it made me so happy he didn't mind doing lame stuff with me like hanging out at my house, since my mom didn't let me go out a lot. That had always been the main reason I had avoided getting a bf, because what boy would want such a socially lame girl? He had this section on his Myspace page (again the cool thing) and each week, sometimes more, he would change it to a different quote or something he wrote about me. It was the sweetest thing ever. I truly believed I loved him. And maybe at one point I did. He always told me I was so beautiful, I was the most perfect girl ever, he always said how lucky he was and how did he deserve someone like me? It was an amazing time, my depression vanished and didn't come back the entire time we were together. We kissed...a lot...but at this point in my story it went no further. Everyone always said how we were the cutest couple ever, and how jealous they were, and it felt AWESOME to be the center of attention and have all these girls be jealous of ME! who thought?! One day, on a sunday, he had to go to his grandmothers for lunch and to hang out... he asked me to go with him! I was so honored that we were getting to be that close. I met his family and they were so nice! They loved me! We had a great day at his grandparents and I got to see the cutest baby pictures of him. Anyways, needless to say things were going great.

The Middle. 
Sweetest thing. The way he kissed me. The way he would hold me. The way he sang me to sleep. So it's december and there was a HUGE ice storm. Ice blocked roads and cut off some peoples power for weeks. So we got our power back quick cause we were right by a fire station. Matt however lived farther in the country so he didn't. So..... I convinced my mom to let him stay two nights with me :) It was amazing! Of course he had to sleep on the couch but still!!!!!! MY mom was letting a boy stay the night!!!!! WOOOO haha. Macauley stayed the night too for the first night, and we had so much fun! We cuddled watching TV till like 5 in the morning. At this point he tried to go a little further...but I didn't let him...yet. So a week or so later, I stayed the night with Macauley, and we both snuck out. Macauley went to hang out with her boyfriend and I went to hang out with Matt. We went to a party, and eventually we were a little drunk, and matt took me out to his car. He tried to have sex with me, but I told him I really didn't want to go that far yet. He respected that and stopped trying, but I felt bad so I let him finger me, and I touched him too...(Trying not to get too graphic) We had a good time. Anyways I was still head over heels at this point so far. However my mom was starting to get suspicious of all my bad things I was doing, and she stopped letting me go out as much...

The Ending. 
I felt bad because I didn't get to see Matt as much. And very very slowly I started to lose my attraction to him. He was still as sweet as ever and he told me he was in love with me. So one night when he wanted to see me, I snuck out, and we went back to his house and I gave him my virginity. Looking back now, I realize this wasn't right and I would take it back if I could, though Matt in my eyes was still an amazing boyfriend, and I would rather it have been him then some jackass later down the road. I was still losing attraction to him, and since the sex didn't feel good, being my first time, and it just kind of hurt, It didn't help me be more attracted to him. A week or two later I decided I was better on my own when I didn't have to worry about anyone else, just me. And I didn't have to worry about feeling bad for not being able to see him that often. So I told him we should probably stop dating. He was devastated and tried for weeks to get me back. After two weeks of being broken up I decided I still loved him and I told him we could try again. But then again after a week the same thing happened, and I told him we were over for good. He was so sad. He loved me I knew it. He broke his phone from throwing it against the wall, he punched the wall too. He tried to get me back... but it didn't work. I remained in my position. Things got awkward, even though I wanted to be friends. And eventually it grew cold between us because someone told me he had started talking with another girl, Marissa, and I was of course being my girl self, jealous, so I got mad at him. That was very stupid of me.

The conclusion. 
We eventually got past our bad time... I hooked up with new boys,... he had sex with Macauley a little while down the road... So now we don't talk, but we wish each other happy birthday when that time rolls around. He now smokes pot and drinks, he did that when we dated but not nearly as much. So, if I had the choice, yes I would get him back, before Macauley and before drugs and alcohol. And since then I have not had another boyfriend. I feel attracted to people, but I still am always too scared to try something new. Maybe they won't measure up to how sweet Matt was...Maybe I won't be good enough for them...Maybe they WON'T be as sweet as Matt was, maybe I won't like them after a while and will wanna break up?
Too many risks. Not worth it.